When We Hurt

Sometimes when we experience serious hurt, we double down with anxiety and occasionally depression. The mind does not seem to switch off from the nagging problem. Sitting down at home and mulling over the hurt, could turn the hurt or problem into bigger hurts. How to switch off from the worries becomes cumbersome.

A person who lost her job was so worried about how to get another job. The thought of joblessness gnawed at her day and night. I have lost a job, she thought, next, I will lose my apartment and perhaps at some point, will have my car repossessed for lack of repayment. The final nail will be running out of money to feed, which could lead to eventual death. Although she did not stop looking for another job, and above all praying to God to help sustain her, she went ahead to retrain and obtain more job skills.

Another person was bothered by the illness of a spouse, who developed some disease and had been going through series of tests before a final diagnoses would be made.  The mere thought of the deteriorating condition of the spouse, and final reality that she could wind up losing her life partner, was one big burden to carry on one single shoulder. Sleeping at night became such a huge problem. This was compounded with racing thoughts on how she would cope raising the kids alone, if the worst happens.

I personally have gone through periods in my life, when I worked in a company where my job was threatened because of consistent retrenchment. During that time, I lived a shadow of myself with the fear of how my family could cope if I lost my job. My worries escalated to the point that it was about to rule my life. How did I cope during such a period? I learnt over time that regardless of my worries, that there are other people out there who have their own worries too. I realized I was not just to look for ways to solve my problems, but to immerse myself into other positive things that would fill up my life.

My number one decision was to beef up my prayer life. I realized that any thing you do, without first bringing it to God in prayer, is a mere waste of time. This is because it is in "vain do you work, and in vain do you wake up, for a builder builds in vain, if the Lord does not build. In vain do we go to bed late and wake up early". This much the Bible tells us. It didn't work when I started applying it, but it did eventually. Some will start taking their hurts to God in prayer for a short time, and expect an immediate miracle. They wait for a couple of days, or months and skid off, if they don't experience immediate relief. It does not work that way. Building a relationship with God takes time, and it is usually a life time of dedication that we commit to, regardless of whatever outcome we are expecting.

Another thing I did to combat my hurt and alleviate my worries was to extend myself towards helping others. Helping others with joy and enthusiasm is an extension of prayers. How can we help others? In several ways.There are lots of opportunities that abound out there. Many sick people in hospitals and nursing homes need daily visitors. Many homeless shelters need volunteers to donate food and help out. Many charities exist out there; there is the Catholic Charities, that of the Salvation Army and a host of others. What of your sick neighbors, helping out poor families to put food on the table?When you do these and more, it helps fill up your life. By the end of the day, you are so exhausted. Occupying yourself with the hurts of others help shove yours to the back burner. This alleviates your personal worries. You know what, by the time you know it, God helps solve your own hurt. Even when you overcome your worries, continue helping others because that is what we are all called to do, for we are meant to break free from our cocoons, to avoid living sterile and selfish lives.

Does God exist?

There is such unusual order in the universe as it exists. One wakes up every day to view the trees. One gets up every day and the sky is still in place. It has not dislodged from its fixture. So does the sun unfailingly rise and set daily. Every time the sun unleashes its scourge, nature suffers, likewise, every time it rains, the Earth gets replenished. winter and summer come and go as do the other seasons. People continue to be born, as some older ones die off. So does vegetation rebirth itself.

Such order is not organized by man, for most things man makes crumble at some point. At some stage, the fabricator of such ephemeral things, man himself, succumbs to death. From all indications, it is obvious that some force or power of the invisible, bigger than man must be in existence. That force is indestructible. It continues to work day and night to keep the cosmos in place. This powerful spirit is not created because it was in being before the world existed. For in Genesis 1, it was explained that God existed before the world was made. Out of nothingness, God created land and separated it from the bodies of water. He also made night and day, and vegetation. He made the moon and the stars, the animals and us humans, when according to the Bible, He said, "Let us make man in our own image and likeness." Thus, we came to be. The firmaments He created are still in place and quite functional.

How do we know He exists? Through His goodness, His creation, through the account of all the holy souls who encountered Jesus, the later of whom God sent into the world to die on the cross to redeem us. God's son Jesus also told us through the Bible, that "My Father and I are one".We know God exists because during his creation, He had breathed His life into us to give us spirit.  Besides, we encounter Him through the strength He gives us to combat our daily struggles.  Above all, we believe God exists through faith. for in the Bible, Jesus told Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen, but yet believed". To an unbeliever, an atheist, the lukewarm, start asking God to help replace your unbelief with belief, so whenever the clarion call comes, we have no option but to meet our God and maker in the world beyond..

If you choose not to believe He exists in this world, how will we be prepared to meet Him when we die? "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father" -Jesus said in the Bible. If you do not believe He exists, start believing now, even if at the moment you do so in a lukewarm manner, and continue to appeal to God to grow your unbelief. By the time you know it, He will show you the way, "for with God, all things are possible." The time to follow Him is now, my brothers and sisters; do not tarry because the train is now in the station, and you know what, it will depart at the least expected time. The clock sure is ticking. Better believe for "the world and all that is in it is passing away." Where are you in your spiritual life? Do you go to worship and adore God in the worship place-the church? If you don't, go and do so. May God bless you.

It will be okay

There are days when one wakes up to find one pressing problem he/she needs to solve. One can run around the entire day to solve this problem, and every effort comes to naught. The addition of this problem, to some others one is already carrying, seems so impossible to bear. The cumulative effect of all these burdens become one heavy load to log around.

One of such problems that we bear could be unemployment that could come knocking, and when one spends years to locate this one job, two years later, the company declares bankruptcy and everyone is laid off. It is back again to a job search. A similar cycle that would throw one into unemployment could repeat itself over and over again. Another problem could be that one badly wants to get married and some of the efforts one makes to locate a good marital partner keeps hitting a dead end. You meet a guy today and he seems to be Mr Right, couple of weeks later, you find out he is some lion in sheep's clothing. You meet another, he turns out to be a cheat, yet another, and he is a free loader, and one feels like cringing in fear of what other options lie out there. Many times, in frustration, we decide to stop looking and just retreat into our cocoon. 

What of someone who is looking for the fruit of the womb? Year one, two, three and even twelve and beyond, no sign of a pregnancy. Hm, one's spirit begins to sink until it gets trapped into years of frustration and despair. Think of an orphan, who has been tossed from one adoption home to the other, and in certain places, he gets abused, dehumanized and sometimes rejected. The thought of going through life in this manner becomes more and more discouraging and at some point, one would be thinking of whether life will ever have any better deal to offer. The truth of the matter is that it cannot continue to be out of control, because at some point, no matter how long it takes, something gives, that would gradually put that stress under control.

At other times, it could be that one is raising a very difficult child and the more the parent gives, the more the kid demands. The more the parent offers love, the more the child takes advantage of this. This child could even drift away, or in some cases would drop out of school. In other circumstances, they can even resort to drugs. It is not just children that do resort to drugs, sometimes it could a parent who can't get his/her acts together, and would move in and out of one drug rehab center to the other, and in such cases, the kids become the parents of these parents.  There are other tons of problems that we face on a daily basis, and which could turn one's life into a living hell. However, if it happens to feel like hell over time, the consolation is that at a certain turn, that hell fire will gradually begin to dwindle, and consequently would quench completely, and then we find ourselves whole again.

One thing we should know when we are being bombarded by these upheavals, is that it is going to be okay at some point. I have found myself some days overwhelmed by the events of the day that at the end of that day, when I lower myself into my bed, I wish tomorrow gets delayed in coming, so I can muster enough energy to face a new day. At such point before I go to bed, I simply pray to God to take over my concerns and surprisingly, when I wake up the next day, some of the previous burdens appear lighter, not so serious as I thought they were. Other times, one or two of such burdens get solved, or I make inroads into solving them. Never let your burdens, or life's challenges crush you. Behind you is the hand of your creator, and He never gives us what we cannot handle. "Do not worry over what you will eat, or drink, or where you will live, think of the birds of the air----------, if God takes care of them, talk less of us made after His image and likeness." Cast over your burdens to Him through daily prayers and His grace will you see you through. Regardless of what outcome you experience over time, in the long run, you will finally realize that life is after all worth living. 

Why Do Good People Suffer?

Why should good people suffer? After all, they are those who do not hesitate to show compassion to others. Some are peace makers and others are selfless in nature. Why then should they suffer? 

A friend once recounted the story of her neighbor. This neighbor came from a poor background and suffered hardships as a young lady. She later got married to an older man who abused her in the relationship. She bore six children in her marriage, whom she suffered to raise after her abusive spouse died.When her kids were all trained and working, she developed a terminal illness and eventually died. Friends and relatives wailed and mourned her death. Why didn't God permit her to live long so as to enjoy the success of her children? It seems as if she was born just to suffer. Is it a curse to do good? At least, can't the good be spared the burden of suffering, instead have the wicked be made to suffer instead. 

Let us not forget though that "God does not desire the death of a sinner" and could give one repeated opportunities on earth to repent. Also, God did say in the bible that "there will be great rejoicing in heaven if one sinner on earth repents." A sinner could be so dead in sin that he cannot save himself, and would need some interventions-the prayers and mortification of the just to pull and rouse him toward the path of repentance. This leads me to the next step-what are the effects of human suffering?

Human suffering can sometimes result from us being held accountable to pay for our transgressions. Other times, it can occur as a means of atonement, not necessarily for our sins, but for the sins of other erring souls whom God wants to convert. In the bible, God said that " if you want to be my disciple, you have to pick up your cross and follow me." Jesus Christ too did suffer a lot in the world before he died. He walked around bare footed and preached the gospel. He cured the lame, healed the blind, fed the hungry, raised the dead. Was unjustly tried and condemned by some of his beneficiaries to die a horrific death on the cross. When he called on God the Father to take away his chalice (suffering) on the cross, an angel of God was sent to console him instead, since the redemptive suffering must continue till the cup of atonement was full. He had to suffer and die for humanity to be redeemed, so that he could open the gates of heaven to all. Let us not forget that he is a typical example of a just man suffering. All sufferings, especially those borne by the just, when joined to that of Christ sends all heaven into ecstasy, since it has such huge atoning and redemptive effect.

Let  us not just focus on Jesus, but talk about the lives of saints. Saints are those holy men and women who lived, and heroically suffered deprivation, and sometimes were killed for the faith. They fought bravely, died and are now saints in heaven. Let us focus on the later day saints because we recognize them, since they died not long ago, hence we can identify with them. Take Mother Teresa of Calcutta as an example-She lived poverty to the core, suffered self inflicted suffering and deprivation for the faith. In fact, during her life time, many called her the living saint because she rescued the wretched and abandoned, begged for alms with which to house, feed and clothe them.  Her suffering was what earned her the sainthood.  Another confirmation that suffering in essence, is not spared the just. 

The way the world sees and interprets suffering these days makes it look as if it is something that should be despised. The world is a transitory place, provided as a preparatory ground to earn entrance into God's eternal home for us. Let us be the wise virgins who filled our lamps with oil, who stood firm and prepared for the coming of the lamb. In life, we must drink of the cup God sends us, whether it be (sweet) successes, or (bitter) suffering. The saints that made it to heaven did not do so on a platter of gold, but rather through the narrow, and rugged road that leads to heaven. Whether we are worthy or unworthy, when going through the furnace of suffering, our prayers and songs should be, welcome be the holy will of God.

How Do We Bear Suffering?

        Suffering is any form of discomfort that we feel. Some suffering is cast upon us by others, others by nature. Some though are self inflicted. Regardless, all suffering hurts. 

         Take for example the suffering some feel in their work places. It could be at certain times we have an impossible boss. Despite all you do, or try to accomplish he/she still complains. In spite of all the targets you meet, he still pokes holes at your work. How do we bear such suffering? Should we simply throw in the towel and walk out as a result of such burden? Or do we stay steadfast, unruffled, and continue to steer the course? What of when you are in charge of a project and your co-workers consistently look for ways to derail your work? What is the best action to take under this circumstance? Should we stand or run? Should we cry and crumble under the yoke?
        What of when a loved one is sick and we cannot do much to alleviate that suffering? Other times it could be it is a sickness that is difficult to diagnose, or perhaps we lack money with which to obtain medical care for them. What of the pains of a mother, or any parent who cannot provide food and shelter for their family? We also remember the homeless who sleep on the streets, including some poor countries where children feed out of the trash? How can they bear their suffering in certain circumstances when the rulers have hijacked all the means of production/industry and assigned them only to their relatives, whilst the rest of the populace wallow in abject poverty?
       What of the suffering borne by people who have difficult spouses who hammer on them all the time and make their lives some living hell? What of the suffering of children who are made to face the fights and eventually the separation caused by broken homes? Remember parents who face the challenges posed by disobedient children, who persist on their evil paths and refuse to tow the ways of righteousness, regardless of how hard their parents try.Yet, other times we suffer as a result of some wrong choices we made in life, like joining gangs, doing drugs, being lured into prostitution, and the likes.
       The gratifying aspect about suffering though is that every person in the world suffers in one way or the other. Are the rich spared from suffering, not at all? Though they have monetary aggrandizement does not mean they can not suffer from loneliness, break up of a relationship and any other stresses that life can pose. Did Jesus Christ not suffer? Of course He did. No one is spared of suffering. It is how we bear it that matters.
      One thing though about any form of suffering is that for a start, we have to learn how to bear them. How can we bear suffering, when many times, as a result of our weak, human nature they tend to overwhelm us? Our suffering can be borne when we consistently take them to God. He is that one being who can help us bear our burdens, for did not Christ say in the bible, "Come to me all ye that are heavily burdened, take up your yoke and learn from me for I am meek and humble of heart, for my yoke is easy and my burden light". 
     That we hand our burdens to Jesus Christ, and petition Him daily does not mean that we don't endeavor every day to look for ways to work around an impossible boss, or that we do not continue to look for genuine ways to alleviate our poverty, that we don't continue to strive for ways to turn around an impossible child, or when erring, that we shouldn't strive to correct our wrongful paths, or stop looking for ways to get along with a challenging spouse. We are also called on to unite the pains of our suffering to the suffering Christ endured during his life on earth, and those of the early martyrs who died for the faith. That way, our suffering is not wasted, but gets spiritualized. With Christ on our side though, we are daily inspired on how to solve some of our problems.The remainder that are not alleviated, it means that God wants us to continue to carry them a while longer. Do not waver though because you will eventually prevail, because His grace alone is sufficient.  

Of Cell Phones in Schools

Cell phones are such great inventions. We have all types to choose from-Samsung and i Phones and the likes. Many families use them and they are good for easy communication. Shortly after their inception, some families started purchasing them for use by their children. The excuse was that they needed easy access to their children. Terrific. 

It sounds okay that students and parents be in direct communication so they can keep in touch. The problem in schools though, especially in middle and high schools, is that students bring their cell phones into the classroom. They carry these around even when lessons are going on. This constitutes a huge distraction to such students. What actually happens is that a sizable number of students turn their cell phones on and use them to chat, or text friends even when classes are in session. How can serious studies take place under this situation when such culprits switch between class lessons/work and their cell phones? 

Apart from the culprits, the use of cell phones is a distraction to other students who want to learn.  Many students who do not do well in class fall under the category of cell phone users. Some are even audacious to refuse to put away their phones when requested by their teachers. Such gross disobedience, if not addressed and curtailed, would lead to further drop in test scores. More and more students are becoming addicted to their cell phones and the number of students who carry their cell phones into the class increases by the day. 

This is gradually turning into a national crisis. Serious conversations should be held between the parent/teacher associations as to which way forward. Previous to students being permitted to bring cell phones into the class, what obtained years back was that students were allowed when they request to use the main office, counselors' phones, or their teachers' class phones to communicate with parents. At that time, more sanity reigned in the classrooms because cell phones were not permitted. However, some defenders of cell phone use by students in school say students can use their cell phones to access the internet to conduct research and class work. That is not a good excuse because there are computers in many classrooms in school, plus the library, technology labs, where students can do research. If the school board steps in to ban the use of cell phones in schools, they will be amazed at how this act will positively affect students' behavior, as well as test scores.  I hope that parents too join hands to advocate to support this measure.

Of Baby Mama Syndrome

I often wonder how wonderful it is of God to have created men and women. Such thoughtfulness that went into that creation, because it takes both to start a family. Women have such trustful and caring natures that help them nurture humanity, especially children, to growth and development. Many fathers on their part are generally good protectors and providers. No wonder many girls love and trust their dads for protection and provision, and many times that trust is transferred to any man that later come into their lives.

The truth of the matter is that certain men could take advantage of such gullible girls, whom they sometimes put into the family way, under the pretext that marriage lurks around the corner. Those promised marriages often do not materialize over time, because those promises are mostly built on falsehoods. Likewise, some women too purposely get pregnant, so as to trick certain men into marrying them. Such women either desperately want to answer married, or are looking for men who they can hold responsible to pay child support-in other words, they are looking for someone to be their meal tickets. Many times too, such ambitions never come to fruition. The result is that these women remain as single mothers, now nick-named baby mamas.

Every woman should know that she deserves better, and should bargain better so as not to subject herself as a prey to such predators. Neither should any man let himself be tricked into being a baby daddy to any woman. For both sexes, baby children would not occur if we all observe what is called abstinence. We should never commence on any job we cannot finish. If she is not good enough for you to marry, don't go into any form of a pretentious relationship with her and vice versa. When we do, the resultant effect is the ton of single families we see today. 

The effect of this insanity-many children who run the streets. Another result is the number of children who drop out of school. Yet still, in schools, children who are problematic mostly come from single parents. It is very challenging for a couple to raise children, talk less when it is done by one parent. That one parent is too stretched with work, obligations, etc to have enough time to cater and supervise the children. The worst of all is that many times, the children of baby mamas grow up to be baby mamas, or baby daddies. What else does one expect, after all, they learn from their surroundings, and don't forget that a fruit does not fall far from the tree.

When will this madness stop? It will begin to abate when parents empower their children by explaining to them that it is not good to have sex before marriage. This situation can be arrested when sons and daughters are taught that they are complete on their own and do not need any one outside of themselves to complete them. When boys and girls are encouraged to remain in school, and trained to obtain job skills that can make them sustainable, can this issue be gradually contained.  When a girl learns job skills and gets a sustainable job, she will have little desire to trick a man into being a baby daddy. If young men and women are taught to marry when they should, and stay married with their partners, can sanity begin to return to the world. Jumping in and out from one sexual partner in and outside of marriage should be a no no to everyone.

Men and women, you are worth better. You have to take your destinies into your own hands because baby mama, or baby daddy is no way to go.

Back to Stay

Hello! 



I am back to stay. Been gone from posting for a while now and 


intend to put up posts weekly. I am excited to be back. Please 


stay tuned.

Of Promiscuity or Open Marriage?

If I still recall, promiscuity is the practice of sampling different sexual partners. Open marriage as is described, is the agreement of a couple to go outside of their marriage to get sexual gratification. In effect, it means that they agree to be sexually promiscuous. 

Isn't marriage still what it is supposed to be, where both partners sign to be faithful to each other? If that is the case, why will people who claim to be in matrimony, roam around, practicing sexual promiscuity? Yet, we wonder, or question, why many young people are getting promiscuous  these days. We don't need to look far to find part of the answer. The truth is that when mother goat is chewing the chord, daughter goat is watching. 

We have to be careful about our actions because it could be infectious; the reality is that the youths are watching. Isn't it about time we restore the institution of marriage back to its pedestal, and not make nonsense of it? We must not trash fidelity because society has a lot to lose for it.

Could it be for keeps?

It is uncommon to find marriages that have lasted over the years. No wonder I was delighted to watch Mr and Mrs Jimmy Carter on the Piers Morgan show talk about their marriage. Their marriage, like all marriages, has had its ups and downs, that regardless, it has lasted for about 65 years, and is still continuous. Not many people can boast of such achievement. Sixty five whooping years, some might ask, how can two people be faithful to each other for those number of years?

I have seen and read about other marriages that start off well, but many times drift off. When you ask those in such marriages, they state that along the way, they fell out of love with their partners. For others, they claim that they drifted apart. Each couple's story is usually different from the other. For long marital partners, what they try to do is to give each other the benefit of the doubt. They sometimes laugh off one another's weaknesses, nudge some erring partner back on course, counsel or ignore the other's lapses, at certain times, fall out on issues, but later on, paddle back, bandage the relationship, and glue tearing portions back with super glue. Mr and Mrs Carter stated that they have learned how to give each other space because apparently, being married does not mean that one has to wear one's partner around like a band. Apart from Mr and Mrs Carter, others with lasting marriages are couples like, Queen Elizabeth the second of England and Prince Philip. The late Bob Hope was married to his wife for over 60 years.

In many countries in Africa, many marriages last till death do the partners part. In fact, tons of couples have celebrated their silver. golden and diamond jubilees. Lasting marriages make us different from other animals who change partners at will. Long lasting marriages are usually celebrated and such partners not only act as role models to younger ones, but direct and shepherd others in their marital ventures. 

The final and most important thing that makes marriages last is the glue that holds all marriages together-God. Bring Him into your marriage by praying daily together, using the holy family of Mary, Joseph and Jesus as your role model, and vowing to stay together through thick and thin. Not letting any one to come between you and your partner is key, for after all it is written in the bible, "That what God has joined together, let no man put asunder".

The little things we forget to do

We get so busy every day, that we forget to appreciate the world around us. We wake up each day running to accomplish this and that. Many times, we get so consumed with chores, that we do not remember to relax a bit.

From our door steps to the road, down to our work places and beyond, there are assorted things that exist to delight the senses. In Spring, we have the plants struggling to bud. You watch them develop one leaf, then two, but again comes the cold weather, that wipes them away. Later, the weather warms up and more leaves try to sprout, and as the Spring showers and sun serenade them, they are nudged into existence. Later, as if in a hurry, every tree is filled with joy and laughter, as their fastly developed, luscious leaves, seem to mock the disappearing Winter. The squirrels run around, and unabashedly flirt with the acorns, in the full glare of all.

Then creepily struts in Summer, initially, with some mild sunshine, till  with its scorching sun, it takes dominance over Spring. Children sing and play, adults alike dress skimpily, each trying to outdo the other in the pools. Barbecue smells fill the air with such aromatic arrogance. Wedding bells chime endlessly, with such deafening noise. Vacation bells ring, as travel agencies and tour guides  have their field days filling their pockets with their spoils. Alas, Fall sneaks in through the back door and scatters it all, sending leaves and twigs floating in the air. Take it easy, we all seem to say, don't take our fun away. As the argument rages, Grandpa Winter comes in, all wrapped in white robes of snow. It sends everyone running for cover beneath their winter coats.   

OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE

No human being can remember the day he or she was born. One day, we came into the world, took our first gulps of air, and cried in protest of being born into this world without our permission. We did not choose to be born by any particular parent, or into any nation or race; yet we were born. That regardless, we were born into the world for a purpose. That is why it is an effort in futility, to be pompous, or resentful about any situation we find ourselves in, in life.

Every human being is here to make a difference to this world, in a similar way that every living thing that makes up the food chain helps to sustain the universe. We just need to stop and  reflect, to find out what void we are born to fill, whose lives we are born to touch, what innovations we are born to make, or what good role models we are born to be.  Since we are born to higher expectations, which comes with accountability, we cannot fail to accomplish what our purpose is in life. That purpose in life should and must be positive, in order to balance out the cosmos. If you listen to the melodious singing of birds, any one of them that chimes out of tune, creates a discordance to the melody, so it is with us humans, especially when we fail to contribute, or perhaps, abuse the purpose we are created to impact.

Some might say that since their childhood, they have been suffering, so what purpose does their life serve? The purpose might be that of being a good role model to others, by showing that you are daily striving with contentment, to exist with the little you have, could be a motivator to other disadvantaged, or would soon be disadvantaged, that it does not take wealth to achieve happiness. To another who is wealthy, his purpose could be to use his wealth to foster peace and happiness among others who are not so lucky, not to forment trouble. To an employer of  labor,  his purpose in life could be, to make the working conditions of his employees better, not to take advantage of them. To the worker, his purpose could be not to take advantage of his employer,  but to strive every day to put in a good days work, for a good days pay.

If everyone does his bit, the world would be in harmony-orderly, and the forms of disorderliness that are steadily taking root, would gradually be stamped out. It is then, and only then will we have the type of peaceful world we deserve. Please do reflect and act on this. Do your bit to make the world a better place.

DIVORCE

Divorce is becoming the order of the day in many societies, especially in the Western world. About 40% if not more of marriages end in divorce these days. This trend is catching on in other parts of the world as well.  Firstly, it appears that people seem to go into marriage for the wrong reasons. You hear people talk of marrying someone because they love them. If what is claimed is really love, why do some jump out of marriage faster than they got into it? Is the purpose just to see what its all about, or to go into it with the determination to make it work? Do we spend time to research our potential marital partners before we say I do? That research is very crucial because we want to find out about the person's past to see if they match what we are seeking. Even when marriage is finally contracted, should we go it alone, or should we bring God into it on a daily basis, by daily prayers and sacrifice? 

For several reasons, divorce is not the best place to be in a marital relationship. For one, it is the death of a marriage. The resultant effect is the agony one or both of the partners feel when sometimes, bitter divorce battles are fought in the court. Other nasty incidents that also result from it are, name calling, accusations and counter accusations, and fighting over property. The worst of it is fighting over getting custody of the children. Apart from the destruction of family life, the loneliness one, or more of the partners feel afterwards could be devastating.

The disheartening thing is the effect divorce has on children. Such children occasionally fall into depression; many feel some sense of rejection, and betrayal by the parents. Children are made to relocate to live with which ever parent has child custody, so they lose their friends, classmates and teachers. Again, even when child visitation rights are shared, both parents tend to over-indulge their children in their bid to fight for acceptance from such children.The resultant effect is that the children get spoilt. Many times, their grades begin to go down, some become distant and withdrawn from everyday activities. It is difficult for couples to raise children, talk less of when it is one parent raising the child. Don't even bring in the fact that a step parent can fill the void created by the absence of a biological parent because often times, they fail way short because it is difficult to fill in the affinity that binds kids to their parents. Not to talk of how some of these kids sometimes get abused, psychologically, or sometimes sexually by some step parents. 

Part of the problem the school system is having these days is the problem caused by troubled kids, and the children from divorced homes constitute a substantial number of these kids. Divorce should not be the first option in a troubled marriage, many times, what is required is love, dialogue, patience, humility, appreciation, understanding and compromise in dealing with ones partner. Counseling by more experienced couples help often a time.   

If people stop jumping into marriages for the most frivolous reasons, if couples put in as much time and energy into their marriages as they do to their business ventures, if couples make up their minds that they would love their partners unconditionally, put their partners first, and above all, know that marriage is for better for worse, not for worse, I run away, then marriage would be long lasting. 

Finally, I know that God is that binding force, that cements, glues all relationships together. Love your partner as "Christ loved the church, to the extent that He even died for it-for us," according to the bible. Be aware too that in marriages, not all the partners do equal amount of work. On many occasions, one partner sacrifices more than the other in marriage. Do not be sad if you are the one who makes the more sacrifice in your marriage, for whatever we sow, we reap. As Christ is the pillar of the church, so should each of us be for our partners.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

Happy New Year to everyone. Happy New Year is what we wish each other year in, year out. Happy New Year! What is new about the coming year? Well, some might say that it would be 2012, excellent!

What some of us do at such periods is to make new year resolutions. For smokers, some would vow never to smoke again come 2012. For binge eaters, come 2012, no more binge eating. For drunks, all alcoholic drinks must go off my shelf by 2012. It is really great to make new year resolutions, but do we keep them? How does one think that just wishing one would quit smoking would make that urge to be wiped away by the rolling in of a new year? Infact, when I was growing up, my mom usually would call us on the eve of a new year, and have us all make our resolutions; one of my brothers, who started most fights in the house, would vow that he would never fight again. Guess what happens, before the middle of January 1, we would have to break up a fight started by my brother, and we would all agonize over the fact that he was the first person to break his new year resolution. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I broke mine at some point within the year, and so would others.

What I have come to realize though about any resolution any of us  make, is that we have to work towards its attainment. For example, if one wants to quit smoking by the beginning of a new year, one must start working towards quitting, by cutting down on the no of cigarettes one smokes b/f the end of the old year, to make the final quitting possible by the beginning of the new year. I also believe that "in vain does a builder build, if the Lord does not build-" the holy bible. We need to pray about any resolution we make, by asking God to help our weak, human bodies to attain it. Even when we falter and fall after we made our resolutions, we should be resolute to start anew. We can only succeed, if after each fall, we get up, dust ourselves up and continue afresh. Good luck with your positive, new year resolutions. Do note, that one can make ones resolutions any time within the year, so no excuses for you not to make yours.  Think of that part of your life you want to amend and gradually chisel it down. Good luck in your efforts, and may we, through work and deed continue to inspire all we come in contact with in the course of our lives.

CONTENTMENT

To feel happy with ones lot is a path toward contentment. Feeling happy does not really mean that we would like to remain with what we have, or what we are. Though one is content, one could still yearn for a way to move ahead, or accomplish more in life; one's aspiration to do that, does not mean that one lacks contentment, rather, it means that one is seeking a path to self improvement. Simply put, a content person is someone who does not feel less of a person, or deprived, when he looks upon those who happen to be endowed with what one lacks. When we start feeling less than what we are, it often leads to self pity, or self abasement. Why should we chide ourselves over what we cannot yet attain, or might never attain? It is senseless to do that.


A positive way in striving to attain what we lack, is to lay out a realistic plan and go ahead to pursue it. We should still strive to be content whether we attain our goals, or not. Contentment is a virtue people should work on to acquire, that is, if one lacks it. The absence of it makes one unhappy and could even lead to the envy of others we would like to be like, or live like. Contentment also helps us to accept what we cannot attain. For example, no matter how an adult, short person wants or yearns to be tall, he cannot attain it because it is outside his reach to do so. Being discontent by the fact that one is short leads to frustration. Under this circumstance, or other similar cases, we can only be content when we concentrate on our strengths and down play our minuses, except only, and if only, it is something we can change. Praise others for the qualities they have that you lack, that way, you feel more fulfilled and less frustrated. Living contentment does not mean you have it all, rather, it is the realization, acceptance, and gratification of all life has to offer, including the good and bad.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS? WHAT HOLIDAY?

The Christmas holiday has come and is about to sweep past. I wish everyone a happy Christmas. The trend that seems to be catching on is the fact that some people have substituted the use of Happy Christmas to Happy Holidays, Happy Holiday? Do we tell people Happy Holiday when we mean to say Happy Thanksgiving? Do people say Happy Holiday when people want to wish people Happy Idel Fitri, or Happy Holiday when we mean to say Happy Hanukkah? Do people say Happy Holiday when they wish others Happy New Year? For consistency sake, and most importantly, for the respect of the season that Christians celebrate, people should not feel uncomfortable wishing others happy Christmas. People still set up their Xmas trees, buy Xmas cards, listen to Xmas carols; we should cap it up with what that season is all about. It is about Christmas, that word that was derived from Christ, and Christmas is in celebration of the time that the Savior of the world was born. People should respect it and keep it alive. Once again, Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to all the world.

GIFT GIVING AT CHRISTMAS

It is Christmas again! The buzz is in the air and everyone is running helter skelter to buy last minute gifts. Some buy more than twenty gifts to give away. I bet that after this is over, like in recurrent years, many people must have incurred lots of debts, in their attempt to belong. I often ponder the reason for the gift giving. Do not get me wrong, because there is absolutely nothing wrong in giving. For example, it is great to feed and provide for the disadvantaged-hungry, orphans, etc, at all times, Christmas inclusive. One could also get a gift for a family member, or friend at any time, if one can afford it, and if it is done with moderation. Some would say that the three wise men gave gifts to Baby Jesus, that regardless, does not compel us to give gifts, especially when we cannot afford to.

 It is the must-give pressure society faces when it is Christmas time, and by that, I mean that once it is Christmas, I must buy a gift for my spouse, children, friends, acquaintances, etc, that is getting addictive. The ridiculousness of it all, is that many times, gifts purchased are not needed, as many get tossed to the side, after the receipt. Of course, stores want us to buy, and so advertise all these super sales, to suck us in. Most people get tantalized, so run to the stores, and buy, and buy and buy. It starts off with the Black Friday, or should we call it SPEND Friday! At the end of the spending spree, struts in the month of stock taking-January. By this time, many people are yawning financially because their pockets are empty. By then, reality sets in and the penny pinching starts. Some even make trips back to the stores to return some much-not-needed gifts they received, or bought.

 The world's gradual recovery from the economic meltdown is indicative to people that one needs to plan to enable one wether any upcoming, unforeseen financial storm. Should we give gifts with moderation to deserving people at any time of the year, absolutely yes? Must we all feel compelled we must exchange gifts at Christmas; I hope not, not at the expense of the family budget!

First post

Hello everyone. I will be posting blogs on this site. My topics will border on everyday life. I will blog on various aspects of human life and struggles, some will be inspirational, others thought provoking. Visit my blog periodically and post your comment. I look forward to sharing with you.