Divorce is becoming the order of the day in many societies, especially in the Western world. About 40% if not more of marriages end in divorce these days. This trend is catching on in other parts of the world as well. Firstly, it appears that people seem to go into marriage for the wrong reasons. You hear people talk of marrying someone because they love them. If what is claimed is really love, why do some jump out of marriage faster than they got into it? Is the purpose just to see what its all about, or to go into it with the determination to make it work? Do we spend time to research our potential marital partners before we say I do? That research is very crucial because we want to find out about the person's past to see if they match what we are seeking. Even when marriage is finally contracted, should we go it alone, or should we bring God into it on a daily basis, by daily prayers and sacrifice?
For several reasons, divorce is not the best place to be in a marital relationship. For one, it is the death of a marriage. The resultant effect is the agony one or both of the partners feel when sometimes, bitter divorce battles are fought in the court. Other nasty incidents that also result from it are, name calling, accusations and counter accusations, and fighting over property. The worst of it is fighting over getting custody of the children. Apart from the destruction of family life, the loneliness one, or more of the partners feel afterwards could be devastating.
The disheartening thing is the effect divorce has on children. Such children occasionally fall into depression; many feel some sense of rejection, and betrayal by the parents. Children are made to relocate to live with which ever parent has child custody, so they lose their friends, classmates and teachers. Again, even when child visitation rights are shared, both parents tend to over-indulge their children in their bid to fight for acceptance from such children.The resultant effect is that the children get spoilt. Many times, their grades begin to go down, some become distant and withdrawn from everyday activities. It is difficult for couples to raise children, talk less of when it is one parent raising the child. Don't even bring in the fact that a step parent can fill the void created by the absence of a biological parent because often times, they fail way short because it is difficult to fill in the affinity that binds kids to their parents. Not to talk of how some of these kids sometimes get abused, psychologically, or sometimes sexually by some step parents.
Part of the problem the school system is having these days is the problem caused by troubled kids, and the children from divorced homes constitute a substantial number of these kids. Divorce should not be the first option in a troubled marriage, many times, what is required is love, dialogue, patience, humility, appreciation, understanding and compromise in dealing with ones partner. Counseling by more experienced couples help often a time.
If people stop jumping into marriages for the most frivolous reasons, if couples put in as much time and energy into their marriages as they do to their business ventures, if couples make up their minds that they would love their partners unconditionally, put their partners first, and above all, know that marriage is for better for worse, not for worse, I run away, then marriage would be long lasting.
Finally, I know that God is that binding force, that cements, glues all relationships together. Love your partner as "Christ loved the church, to the extent that He even died for it-for us," according to the bible. Be aware too that in marriages, not all the partners do equal amount of work. On many occasions, one partner sacrifices more than the other in marriage. Do not be sad if you are the one who makes the more sacrifice in your marriage, for whatever we sow, we reap. As Christ is the pillar of the church, so should each of us be for our partners.
Friday, December 30, 2011
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
Happy New Year to everyone. Happy New Year is what we wish each other year in, year out. Happy New Year! What is new about the coming year? Well, some might say that it would be 2012, excellent!
What some of us do at such periods is to make new year resolutions. For smokers, some would vow never to smoke again come 2012. For binge eaters, come 2012, no more binge eating. For drunks, all alcoholic drinks must go off my shelf by 2012. It is really great to make new year resolutions, but do we keep them? How does one think that just wishing one would quit smoking would make that urge to be wiped away by the rolling in of a new year? Infact, when I was growing up, my mom usually would call us on the eve of a new year, and have us all make our resolutions; one of my brothers, who started most fights in the house, would vow that he would never fight again. Guess what happens, before the middle of January 1, we would have to break up a fight started by my brother, and we would all agonize over the fact that he was the first person to break his new year resolution. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I broke mine at some point within the year, and so would others.
What I have come to realize though about any resolution any of us make, is that we have to work towards its attainment. For example, if one wants to quit smoking by the beginning of a new year, one must start working towards quitting, by cutting down on the no of cigarettes one smokes b/f the end of the old year, to make the final quitting possible by the beginning of the new year. I also believe that "in vain does a builder build, if the Lord does not build-" the holy bible. We need to pray about any resolution we make, by asking God to help our weak, human bodies to attain it. Even when we falter and fall after we made our resolutions, we should be resolute to start anew. We can only succeed, if after each fall, we get up, dust ourselves up and continue afresh. Good luck with your positive, new year resolutions. Do note, that one can make ones resolutions any time within the year, so no excuses for you not to make yours. Think of that part of your life you want to amend and gradually chisel it down. Good luck in your efforts, and may we, through work and deed continue to inspire all we come in contact with in the course of our lives.
What some of us do at such periods is to make new year resolutions. For smokers, some would vow never to smoke again come 2012. For binge eaters, come 2012, no more binge eating. For drunks, all alcoholic drinks must go off my shelf by 2012. It is really great to make new year resolutions, but do we keep them? How does one think that just wishing one would quit smoking would make that urge to be wiped away by the rolling in of a new year? Infact, when I was growing up, my mom usually would call us on the eve of a new year, and have us all make our resolutions; one of my brothers, who started most fights in the house, would vow that he would never fight again. Guess what happens, before the middle of January 1, we would have to break up a fight started by my brother, and we would all agonize over the fact that he was the first person to break his new year resolution. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I broke mine at some point within the year, and so would others.
What I have come to realize though about any resolution any of us make, is that we have to work towards its attainment. For example, if one wants to quit smoking by the beginning of a new year, one must start working towards quitting, by cutting down on the no of cigarettes one smokes b/f the end of the old year, to make the final quitting possible by the beginning of the new year. I also believe that "in vain does a builder build, if the Lord does not build-" the holy bible. We need to pray about any resolution we make, by asking God to help our weak, human bodies to attain it. Even when we falter and fall after we made our resolutions, we should be resolute to start anew. We can only succeed, if after each fall, we get up, dust ourselves up and continue afresh. Good luck with your positive, new year resolutions. Do note, that one can make ones resolutions any time within the year, so no excuses for you not to make yours. Think of that part of your life you want to amend and gradually chisel it down. Good luck in your efforts, and may we, through work and deed continue to inspire all we come in contact with in the course of our lives.
CONTENTMENT
To feel happy with ones lot is a path toward contentment. Feeling happy does not really mean that we would like to remain with what we have, or what we are. Though one is content, one could still yearn for a way to move ahead, or accomplish more in life; one's aspiration to do that, does not mean that one lacks contentment, rather, it means that one is seeking a path to self improvement. Simply put, a content person is someone who does not feel less of a person, or deprived, when he looks upon those who happen to be endowed with what one lacks. When we start feeling less than what we are, it often leads to self pity, or self abasement. Why should we chide ourselves over what we cannot yet attain, or might never attain? It is senseless to do that.
A positive way in striving to attain what we lack, is to lay out a realistic plan and go ahead to pursue it. We should still strive to be content whether we attain our goals, or not. Contentment is a virtue people should work on to acquire, that is, if one lacks it. The absence of it makes one unhappy and could even lead to the envy of others we would like to be like, or live like. Contentment also helps us to accept what we cannot attain. For example, no matter how an adult, short person wants or yearns to be tall, he cannot attain it because it is outside his reach to do so. Being discontent by the fact that one is short leads to frustration. Under this circumstance, or other similar cases, we can only be content when we concentrate on our strengths and down play our minuses, except only, and if only, it is something we can change. Praise others for the qualities they have that you lack, that way, you feel more fulfilled and less frustrated. Living contentment does not mean you have it all, rather, it is the realization, acceptance, and gratification of all life has to offer, including the good and bad.
A positive way in striving to attain what we lack, is to lay out a realistic plan and go ahead to pursue it. We should still strive to be content whether we attain our goals, or not. Contentment is a virtue people should work on to acquire, that is, if one lacks it. The absence of it makes one unhappy and could even lead to the envy of others we would like to be like, or live like. Contentment also helps us to accept what we cannot attain. For example, no matter how an adult, short person wants or yearns to be tall, he cannot attain it because it is outside his reach to do so. Being discontent by the fact that one is short leads to frustration. Under this circumstance, or other similar cases, we can only be content when we concentrate on our strengths and down play our minuses, except only, and if only, it is something we can change. Praise others for the qualities they have that you lack, that way, you feel more fulfilled and less frustrated. Living contentment does not mean you have it all, rather, it is the realization, acceptance, and gratification of all life has to offer, including the good and bad.
Monday, December 26, 2011
HAPPY HOLIDAYS? WHAT HOLIDAY?
The Christmas holiday has come and is about to sweep past. I wish everyone a happy Christmas. The trend that seems to be catching on is the fact that some people have substituted the use of Happy Christmas to Happy Holidays, Happy Holiday? Do we tell people Happy Holiday when we mean to say Happy Thanksgiving? Do people say Happy Holiday when people want to wish people Happy Idel Fitri, or Happy Holiday when we mean to say Happy Hanukkah? Do people say Happy Holiday when they wish others Happy New Year? For consistency sake, and most importantly, for the respect of the season that Christians celebrate, people should not feel uncomfortable wishing others happy Christmas. People still set up their Xmas trees, buy Xmas cards, listen to Xmas carols; we should cap it up with what that season is all about. It is about Christmas, that word that was derived from Christ, and Christmas is in celebration of the time that the Savior of the world was born. People should respect it and keep it alive. Once again, Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to all the world.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
GIFT GIVING AT CHRISTMAS
It is Christmas again! The buzz is in the air and everyone is running helter skelter to buy last minute gifts. Some buy more than twenty gifts to give away. I bet that after this is over, like in recurrent years, many people must have incurred lots of debts, in their attempt to belong. I often ponder the reason for the gift giving. Do not get me wrong, because there is absolutely nothing wrong in giving. For example, it is great to feed and provide for the disadvantaged-hungry, orphans, etc, at all times, Christmas inclusive. One could also get a gift for a family member, or friend at any time, if one can afford it, and if it is done with moderation. Some would say that the three wise men gave gifts to Baby Jesus, that regardless, does not compel us to give gifts, especially when we cannot afford to.
It is the must-give pressure society faces when it is Christmas time, and by that, I mean that once it is Christmas, I must buy a gift for my spouse, children, friends, acquaintances, etc, that is getting addictive. The ridiculousness of it all, is that many times, gifts purchased are not needed, as many get tossed to the side, after the receipt. Of course, stores want us to buy, and so advertise all these super sales, to suck us in. Most people get tantalized, so run to the stores, and buy, and buy and buy. It starts off with the Black Friday, or should we call it SPEND Friday! At the end of the spending spree, struts in the month of stock taking-January. By this time, many people are yawning financially because their pockets are empty. By then, reality sets in and the penny pinching starts. Some even make trips back to the stores to return some much-not-needed gifts they received, or bought.
The world's gradual recovery from the economic meltdown is indicative to people that one needs to plan to enable one wether any upcoming, unforeseen financial storm. Should we give gifts with moderation to deserving people at any time of the year, absolutely yes? Must we all feel compelled we must exchange gifts at Christmas; I hope not, not at the expense of the family budget!
First post
Hello everyone. I will be posting blogs on this site. My topics will border on everyday life. I will blog on various aspects of human life and struggles, some will be inspirational, others thought provoking. Visit my blog periodically and post your comment. I look forward to sharing with you.
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