When We Hurt

Sometimes when we experience serious hurt, we double down with anxiety and occasionally depression. The mind does not seem to switch off from the nagging problem. Sitting down at home and mulling over the hurt, could turn the hurt or problem into bigger hurts. How to switch off from the worries becomes cumbersome.

A person who lost her job was so worried about how to get another job. The thought of joblessness gnawed at her day and night. I have lost a job, she thought, next, I will lose my apartment and perhaps at some point, will have my car repossessed for lack of repayment. The final nail will be running out of money to feed, which could lead to eventual death. Although she did not stop looking for another job, and above all praying to God to help sustain her, she went ahead to retrain and obtain more job skills.

Another person was bothered by the illness of a spouse, who developed some disease and had been going through series of tests before a final diagnoses would be made.  The mere thought of the deteriorating condition of the spouse, and final reality that she could wind up losing her life partner, was one big burden to carry on one single shoulder. Sleeping at night became such a huge problem. This was compounded with racing thoughts on how she would cope raising the kids alone, if the worst happens.

I personally have gone through periods in my life, when I worked in a company where my job was threatened because of consistent retrenchment. During that time, I lived a shadow of myself with the fear of how my family could cope if I lost my job. My worries escalated to the point that it was about to rule my life. How did I cope during such a period? I learnt over time that regardless of my worries, that there are other people out there who have their own worries too. I realized I was not just to look for ways to solve my problems, but to immerse myself into other positive things that would fill up my life.

My number one decision was to beef up my prayer life. I realized that any thing you do, without first bringing it to God in prayer, is a mere waste of time. This is because it is in "vain do you work, and in vain do you wake up, for a builder builds in vain, if the Lord does not build. In vain do we go to bed late and wake up early". This much the Bible tells us. It didn't work when I started applying it, but it did eventually. Some will start taking their hurts to God in prayer for a short time, and expect an immediate miracle. They wait for a couple of days, or months and skid off, if they don't experience immediate relief. It does not work that way. Building a relationship with God takes time, and it is usually a life time of dedication that we commit to, regardless of whatever outcome we are expecting.

Another thing I did to combat my hurt and alleviate my worries was to extend myself towards helping others. Helping others with joy and enthusiasm is an extension of prayers. How can we help others? In several ways.There are lots of opportunities that abound out there. Many sick people in hospitals and nursing homes need daily visitors. Many homeless shelters need volunteers to donate food and help out. Many charities exist out there; there is the Catholic Charities, that of the Salvation Army and a host of others. What of your sick neighbors, helping out poor families to put food on the table?When you do these and more, it helps fill up your life. By the end of the day, you are so exhausted. Occupying yourself with the hurts of others help shove yours to the back burner. This alleviates your personal worries. You know what, by the time you know it, God helps solve your own hurt. Even when you overcome your worries, continue helping others because that is what we are all called to do, for we are meant to break free from our cocoons, to avoid living sterile and selfish lives.

Does God exist?

There is such unusual order in the universe as it exists. One wakes up every day to view the trees. One gets up every day and the sky is still in place. It has not dislodged from its fixture. So does the sun unfailingly rise and set daily. Every time the sun unleashes its scourge, nature suffers, likewise, every time it rains, the Earth gets replenished. winter and summer come and go as do the other seasons. People continue to be born, as some older ones die off. So does vegetation rebirth itself.

Such order is not organized by man, for most things man makes crumble at some point. At some stage, the fabricator of such ephemeral things, man himself, succumbs to death. From all indications, it is obvious that some force or power of the invisible, bigger than man must be in existence. That force is indestructible. It continues to work day and night to keep the cosmos in place. This powerful spirit is not created because it was in being before the world existed. For in Genesis 1, it was explained that God existed before the world was made. Out of nothingness, God created land and separated it from the bodies of water. He also made night and day, and vegetation. He made the moon and the stars, the animals and us humans, when according to the Bible, He said, "Let us make man in our own image and likeness." Thus, we came to be. The firmaments He created are still in place and quite functional.

How do we know He exists? Through His goodness, His creation, through the account of all the holy souls who encountered Jesus, the later of whom God sent into the world to die on the cross to redeem us. God's son Jesus also told us through the Bible, that "My Father and I are one".We know God exists because during his creation, He had breathed His life into us to give us spirit.  Besides, we encounter Him through the strength He gives us to combat our daily struggles.  Above all, we believe God exists through faith. for in the Bible, Jesus told Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen, but yet believed". To an unbeliever, an atheist, the lukewarm, start asking God to help replace your unbelief with belief, so whenever the clarion call comes, we have no option but to meet our God and maker in the world beyond..

If you choose not to believe He exists in this world, how will we be prepared to meet Him when we die? "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father" -Jesus said in the Bible. If you do not believe He exists, start believing now, even if at the moment you do so in a lukewarm manner, and continue to appeal to God to grow your unbelief. By the time you know it, He will show you the way, "for with God, all things are possible." The time to follow Him is now, my brothers and sisters; do not tarry because the train is now in the station, and you know what, it will depart at the least expected time. The clock sure is ticking. Better believe for "the world and all that is in it is passing away." Where are you in your spiritual life? Do you go to worship and adore God in the worship place-the church? If you don't, go and do so. May God bless you.

It will be okay

There are days when one wakes up to find one pressing problem he/she needs to solve. One can run around the entire day to solve this problem, and every effort comes to naught. The addition of this problem, to some others one is already carrying, seems so impossible to bear. The cumulative effect of all these burdens become one heavy load to log around.

One of such problems that we bear could be unemployment that could come knocking, and when one spends years to locate this one job, two years later, the company declares bankruptcy and everyone is laid off. It is back again to a job search. A similar cycle that would throw one into unemployment could repeat itself over and over again. Another problem could be that one badly wants to get married and some of the efforts one makes to locate a good marital partner keeps hitting a dead end. You meet a guy today and he seems to be Mr Right, couple of weeks later, you find out he is some lion in sheep's clothing. You meet another, he turns out to be a cheat, yet another, and he is a free loader, and one feels like cringing in fear of what other options lie out there. Many times, in frustration, we decide to stop looking and just retreat into our cocoon. 

What of someone who is looking for the fruit of the womb? Year one, two, three and even twelve and beyond, no sign of a pregnancy. Hm, one's spirit begins to sink until it gets trapped into years of frustration and despair. Think of an orphan, who has been tossed from one adoption home to the other, and in certain places, he gets abused, dehumanized and sometimes rejected. The thought of going through life in this manner becomes more and more discouraging and at some point, one would be thinking of whether life will ever have any better deal to offer. The truth of the matter is that it cannot continue to be out of control, because at some point, no matter how long it takes, something gives, that would gradually put that stress under control.

At other times, it could be that one is raising a very difficult child and the more the parent gives, the more the kid demands. The more the parent offers love, the more the child takes advantage of this. This child could even drift away, or in some cases would drop out of school. In other circumstances, they can even resort to drugs. It is not just children that do resort to drugs, sometimes it could a parent who can't get his/her acts together, and would move in and out of one drug rehab center to the other, and in such cases, the kids become the parents of these parents.  There are other tons of problems that we face on a daily basis, and which could turn one's life into a living hell. However, if it happens to feel like hell over time, the consolation is that at a certain turn, that hell fire will gradually begin to dwindle, and consequently would quench completely, and then we find ourselves whole again.

One thing we should know when we are being bombarded by these upheavals, is that it is going to be okay at some point. I have found myself some days overwhelmed by the events of the day that at the end of that day, when I lower myself into my bed, I wish tomorrow gets delayed in coming, so I can muster enough energy to face a new day. At such point before I go to bed, I simply pray to God to take over my concerns and surprisingly, when I wake up the next day, some of the previous burdens appear lighter, not so serious as I thought they were. Other times, one or two of such burdens get solved, or I make inroads into solving them. Never let your burdens, or life's challenges crush you. Behind you is the hand of your creator, and He never gives us what we cannot handle. "Do not worry over what you will eat, or drink, or where you will live, think of the birds of the air----------, if God takes care of them, talk less of us made after His image and likeness." Cast over your burdens to Him through daily prayers and His grace will you see you through. Regardless of what outcome you experience over time, in the long run, you will finally realize that life is after all worth living. 

Why Do Good People Suffer?

Why should good people suffer? After all, they are those who do not hesitate to show compassion to others. Some are peace makers and others are selfless in nature. Why then should they suffer? 

A friend once recounted the story of her neighbor. This neighbor came from a poor background and suffered hardships as a young lady. She later got married to an older man who abused her in the relationship. She bore six children in her marriage, whom she suffered to raise after her abusive spouse died.When her kids were all trained and working, she developed a terminal illness and eventually died. Friends and relatives wailed and mourned her death. Why didn't God permit her to live long so as to enjoy the success of her children? It seems as if she was born just to suffer. Is it a curse to do good? At least, can't the good be spared the burden of suffering, instead have the wicked be made to suffer instead. 

Let us not forget though that "God does not desire the death of a sinner" and could give one repeated opportunities on earth to repent. Also, God did say in the bible that "there will be great rejoicing in heaven if one sinner on earth repents." A sinner could be so dead in sin that he cannot save himself, and would need some interventions-the prayers and mortification of the just to pull and rouse him toward the path of repentance. This leads me to the next step-what are the effects of human suffering?

Human suffering can sometimes result from us being held accountable to pay for our transgressions. Other times, it can occur as a means of atonement, not necessarily for our sins, but for the sins of other erring souls whom God wants to convert. In the bible, God said that " if you want to be my disciple, you have to pick up your cross and follow me." Jesus Christ too did suffer a lot in the world before he died. He walked around bare footed and preached the gospel. He cured the lame, healed the blind, fed the hungry, raised the dead. Was unjustly tried and condemned by some of his beneficiaries to die a horrific death on the cross. When he called on God the Father to take away his chalice (suffering) on the cross, an angel of God was sent to console him instead, since the redemptive suffering must continue till the cup of atonement was full. He had to suffer and die for humanity to be redeemed, so that he could open the gates of heaven to all. Let us not forget that he is a typical example of a just man suffering. All sufferings, especially those borne by the just, when joined to that of Christ sends all heaven into ecstasy, since it has such huge atoning and redemptive effect.

Let  us not just focus on Jesus, but talk about the lives of saints. Saints are those holy men and women who lived, and heroically suffered deprivation, and sometimes were killed for the faith. They fought bravely, died and are now saints in heaven. Let us focus on the later day saints because we recognize them, since they died not long ago, hence we can identify with them. Take Mother Teresa of Calcutta as an example-She lived poverty to the core, suffered self inflicted suffering and deprivation for the faith. In fact, during her life time, many called her the living saint because she rescued the wretched and abandoned, begged for alms with which to house, feed and clothe them.  Her suffering was what earned her the sainthood.  Another confirmation that suffering in essence, is not spared the just. 

The way the world sees and interprets suffering these days makes it look as if it is something that should be despised. The world is a transitory place, provided as a preparatory ground to earn entrance into God's eternal home for us. Let us be the wise virgins who filled our lamps with oil, who stood firm and prepared for the coming of the lamb. In life, we must drink of the cup God sends us, whether it be (sweet) successes, or (bitter) suffering. The saints that made it to heaven did not do so on a platter of gold, but rather through the narrow, and rugged road that leads to heaven. Whether we are worthy or unworthy, when going through the furnace of suffering, our prayers and songs should be, welcome be the holy will of God.

How Do We Bear Suffering?

        Suffering is any form of discomfort that we feel. Some suffering is cast upon us by others, others by nature. Some though are self inflicted. Regardless, all suffering hurts. 

         Take for example the suffering some feel in their work places. It could be at certain times we have an impossible boss. Despite all you do, or try to accomplish he/she still complains. In spite of all the targets you meet, he still pokes holes at your work. How do we bear such suffering? Should we simply throw in the towel and walk out as a result of such burden? Or do we stay steadfast, unruffled, and continue to steer the course? What of when you are in charge of a project and your co-workers consistently look for ways to derail your work? What is the best action to take under this circumstance? Should we stand or run? Should we cry and crumble under the yoke?
        What of when a loved one is sick and we cannot do much to alleviate that suffering? Other times it could be it is a sickness that is difficult to diagnose, or perhaps we lack money with which to obtain medical care for them. What of the pains of a mother, or any parent who cannot provide food and shelter for their family? We also remember the homeless who sleep on the streets, including some poor countries where children feed out of the trash? How can they bear their suffering in certain circumstances when the rulers have hijacked all the means of production/industry and assigned them only to their relatives, whilst the rest of the populace wallow in abject poverty?
       What of the suffering borne by people who have difficult spouses who hammer on them all the time and make their lives some living hell? What of the suffering of children who are made to face the fights and eventually the separation caused by broken homes? Remember parents who face the challenges posed by disobedient children, who persist on their evil paths and refuse to tow the ways of righteousness, regardless of how hard their parents try.Yet, other times we suffer as a result of some wrong choices we made in life, like joining gangs, doing drugs, being lured into prostitution, and the likes.
       The gratifying aspect about suffering though is that every person in the world suffers in one way or the other. Are the rich spared from suffering, not at all? Though they have monetary aggrandizement does not mean they can not suffer from loneliness, break up of a relationship and any other stresses that life can pose. Did Jesus Christ not suffer? Of course He did. No one is spared of suffering. It is how we bear it that matters.
      One thing though about any form of suffering is that for a start, we have to learn how to bear them. How can we bear suffering, when many times, as a result of our weak, human nature they tend to overwhelm us? Our suffering can be borne when we consistently take them to God. He is that one being who can help us bear our burdens, for did not Christ say in the bible, "Come to me all ye that are heavily burdened, take up your yoke and learn from me for I am meek and humble of heart, for my yoke is easy and my burden light". 
     That we hand our burdens to Jesus Christ, and petition Him daily does not mean that we don't endeavor every day to look for ways to work around an impossible boss, or that we do not continue to look for genuine ways to alleviate our poverty, that we don't continue to strive for ways to turn around an impossible child, or when erring, that we shouldn't strive to correct our wrongful paths, or stop looking for ways to get along with a challenging spouse. We are also called on to unite the pains of our suffering to the suffering Christ endured during his life on earth, and those of the early martyrs who died for the faith. That way, our suffering is not wasted, but gets spiritualized. With Christ on our side though, we are daily inspired on how to solve some of our problems.The remainder that are not alleviated, it means that God wants us to continue to carry them a while longer. Do not waver though because you will eventually prevail, because His grace alone is sufficient.  

Of Cell Phones in Schools

Cell phones are such great inventions. We have all types to choose from-Samsung and i Phones and the likes. Many families use them and they are good for easy communication. Shortly after their inception, some families started purchasing them for use by their children. The excuse was that they needed easy access to their children. Terrific. 

It sounds okay that students and parents be in direct communication so they can keep in touch. The problem in schools though, especially in middle and high schools, is that students bring their cell phones into the classroom. They carry these around even when lessons are going on. This constitutes a huge distraction to such students. What actually happens is that a sizable number of students turn their cell phones on and use them to chat, or text friends even when classes are in session. How can serious studies take place under this situation when such culprits switch between class lessons/work and their cell phones? 

Apart from the culprits, the use of cell phones is a distraction to other students who want to learn.  Many students who do not do well in class fall under the category of cell phone users. Some are even audacious to refuse to put away their phones when requested by their teachers. Such gross disobedience, if not addressed and curtailed, would lead to further drop in test scores. More and more students are becoming addicted to their cell phones and the number of students who carry their cell phones into the class increases by the day. 

This is gradually turning into a national crisis. Serious conversations should be held between the parent/teacher associations as to which way forward. Previous to students being permitted to bring cell phones into the class, what obtained years back was that students were allowed when they request to use the main office, counselors' phones, or their teachers' class phones to communicate with parents. At that time, more sanity reigned in the classrooms because cell phones were not permitted. However, some defenders of cell phone use by students in school say students can use their cell phones to access the internet to conduct research and class work. That is not a good excuse because there are computers in many classrooms in school, plus the library, technology labs, where students can do research. If the school board steps in to ban the use of cell phones in schools, they will be amazed at how this act will positively affect students' behavior, as well as test scores.  I hope that parents too join hands to advocate to support this measure.

Of Baby Mama Syndrome

I often wonder how wonderful it is of God to have created men and women. Such thoughtfulness that went into that creation, because it takes both to start a family. Women have such trustful and caring natures that help them nurture humanity, especially children, to growth and development. Many fathers on their part are generally good protectors and providers. No wonder many girls love and trust their dads for protection and provision, and many times that trust is transferred to any man that later come into their lives.

The truth of the matter is that certain men could take advantage of such gullible girls, whom they sometimes put into the family way, under the pretext that marriage lurks around the corner. Those promised marriages often do not materialize over time, because those promises are mostly built on falsehoods. Likewise, some women too purposely get pregnant, so as to trick certain men into marrying them. Such women either desperately want to answer married, or are looking for men who they can hold responsible to pay child support-in other words, they are looking for someone to be their meal tickets. Many times too, such ambitions never come to fruition. The result is that these women remain as single mothers, now nick-named baby mamas.

Every woman should know that she deserves better, and should bargain better so as not to subject herself as a prey to such predators. Neither should any man let himself be tricked into being a baby daddy to any woman. For both sexes, baby children would not occur if we all observe what is called abstinence. We should never commence on any job we cannot finish. If she is not good enough for you to marry, don't go into any form of a pretentious relationship with her and vice versa. When we do, the resultant effect is the ton of single families we see today. 

The effect of this insanity-many children who run the streets. Another result is the number of children who drop out of school. Yet still, in schools, children who are problematic mostly come from single parents. It is very challenging for a couple to raise children, talk less when it is done by one parent. That one parent is too stretched with work, obligations, etc to have enough time to cater and supervise the children. The worst of all is that many times, the children of baby mamas grow up to be baby mamas, or baby daddies. What else does one expect, after all, they learn from their surroundings, and don't forget that a fruit does not fall far from the tree.

When will this madness stop? It will begin to abate when parents empower their children by explaining to them that it is not good to have sex before marriage. This situation can be arrested when sons and daughters are taught that they are complete on their own and do not need any one outside of themselves to complete them. When boys and girls are encouraged to remain in school, and trained to obtain job skills that can make them sustainable, can this issue be gradually contained.  When a girl learns job skills and gets a sustainable job, she will have little desire to trick a man into being a baby daddy. If young men and women are taught to marry when they should, and stay married with their partners, can sanity begin to return to the world. Jumping in and out from one sexual partner in and outside of marriage should be a no no to everyone.

Men and women, you are worth better. You have to take your destinies into your own hands because baby mama, or baby daddy is no way to go.